As Good As Fake Gold

Anthony Bialy
4 min readNov 28, 2022

Joe Biden has performed superbly if he’s trying to make Donald Trump look good. The ultimate screwup only achieves what he tries to not do. Aiding his rather mouthy predecessor’s reputation stands among his greatest offenses, which is quite a feat itself.

Poor optimists who thought leadership couldn’t get worse should have learned their lesson by now. This rather dumb presidency’s only hope for halting criminals is making money too worthless to steal. Freewheeling felons can’t afford to fuel getaway vehicles, which is one strategy for fighting thievery.

Contemporary pirates largely get away with plunder like their international fiends operating under the guise of being in charge of countries. Conditions have rotted so quickly since late January 2021 that even the embodiment of obnoxiousness is appealing if there are only two competitors.

Propping up a limp insurrectionist is the last thing you’d think Biden might want. But the emblematic doddering knucklehead is an expert at screwing up goals. Helping another person who held the same job title is not a globalist elitist conspiracy about those in power helping each other: an ideologue with the worst ideology possible simply makes people crave how life used to be even if they didn’t flee Gumdrop Island.

This is the first time Biden’s been in charge, at least technically. That’s just to reiterate in case it’s not clear that an arrogant bumbler who’s even less sharp than he was during his alleged peak years when he could hide in the back of Democratic group photos. Senate obscurity defined nearly his entire adult life, and he could have been as happy to retire as America would’ve been.

Pretending to run a business empire ended up being good practice for being the federal government’s executive. Trump lucked out at every point ever, up to and including capturing the presidency. The last thing the man who’s a bigger fraud than the politicians he condemned was for his replacement to pawn the office furniture.

Trump did nothing, which was the top case for everything. A pro sleaze is not just like Bill Clinton in being an insincere human and real scoundrel. The previous president wasn’t exactly the dynamic titan he advertised himself to be. Flaccid leadership benefited him in the sort of cruel break that works out. We at least got affordable fuel out of hot air. Biden deciding pipelines were ruining Earth has kept Americans stationary, which sure has reduced the nation’s carbon footprint.

Even an all-time phony makes the present job-filler look like a putz by comparison. Constant blather not leading to actual outcomes is much better than getting lousy things done. Trump’s best bet was always caretaking despite the unfortunate state of his shiny buildings. A sad sliver of marks still fall for the blatant shtick as if the rage twit railing against the establishment he yearns to join. But Biden is still the worst president of our lifetimes by independent standards.

The WWE Hall of Famer wins only by disqualification. Being the second-worst option is how he managed to beat Bill’s ostensible spouse. It’s little wonder politicians hold markets in contempt when their own particular industry features so few opportunities to make useful exchanges.

The greatest winner ever blames everyone else for not being able to beat someone who’s only gotten more bumbling. Trump was so execrable that voters thought Biden was worth a shot. Nothing worked out for anyone. This woeful run of presidencies serves as the strongest condemnation yet of how parties choose candidates, which in a representative government means we should all be disappointed in ourselves.

Bitching he would do everything correctly is Trump’s not-very-special specialty, which is only more annoying now. It’s hard to take this particular type of kvetching from Trump seriously when he’s the one who could’ve prevented Jimmy Carter’s second term with the slightest dose of competence. The worst possible part of the worst possible year of 2020 led to Biden performing so egregiously that even Donald freaking Trump would have been a better alternative.

Biden would be at his best doing nothing. Idling is still not a super outcome with the sort of president who’s trying to print money faster than inflation. But sitting still is the best hope for innate meddlers. Barack Obama’s vice president’s urge to inflict his unfortunate takes on improving existence has led to results that make erstwhile East Germans experiencing Ostalgie sober up and beg for the uncertainties of markets. Sufferers of his swell ideas wish he displayed way more ineptness at implementing his agenda. This president does, too.

We’re all in this together, unfortunately. A political philosophy based on group projects may have been a bit deceptive about what unity would involve. Liberals getting what they wish is a frightening look at why success can lead to failure. Life gets saddled with cruel irony for everyone else, too. The loathsome Biden run is so bad that it makes sufferers miss the former reality host who engineered a pushy tantrum on his way out after losing.

Don’t let sentimentality make the past look appealing when it sucked in its way. Believe it or not, there are other options than the present and previous hires. We could choose an entirely different person as the next president. It shouldn’t be too tricky to find a third option out of three hundred million. Let present woeful boredom inspire creativity instead of reversion to the previous uniquely regrettable option. America doesn’t need a pompous Grover Cleveland. We should be sick of presidents whose legacies are rotten successors.