Broken Fixes

If government fixes everything, it can’t stop. Cruel businesspeople keep breaking our world out of greed of selling us things. Heroes struggle to get full nights of sleep. The benevolent apparatus’s fortunate beneficiaries might take an increasingly perfected life for granted. That must be the reason your beloved rulers keep creating what they’re solving. You may have noticed those out to alleviate your pain keep inflicting it, but you’d forget how much politicians love you otherwise.

Every standard is different for your supervisors. Lucky private sector outfits don’t need to manufacture demand. You’ll be hungry again in a few hours, which means restaurants have an easier time than the CDC. Those who’ve decided they’re saving your lives aren’t going to learn to cook.

Your minders want you to keep perspective. Governmental flunkies have done brilliantly if if they’re trying to stay in semi-business. Results of bossing you around for your alleged benefit are universally ghastly if those inflicting assistance actually think they help. Stop being selfish and think of their needs.

Would you like more free money? Satan offers fewer catches. It turns out printing money fast enough to make the presses hot makes each bill worth less. Inflation shows how supply and demand works for money itself, too, which is why liberals don’t understand. Being handed currency that’s more valuable as paper towels than for purchases is the downside of having all you’d like. Joe Biden assures you the phenomenon is temporary as he eats from a bag of Fritos that cost $487.39.

Free things sure are expensive. The price is just the start. Education, housing, and insurance seem to get monumentally more costly when Washington works to make them affordable. The presumption that products be made cheaper by throwing cash bundles at them is bound to pay off. Like all federal programs, they only fail when we’re stingy.

You’ll be shocked by what happens when money taken from taxpayers is spent by politicians who for some reason don’t care about value received. It’s as if separating consumers from prices actually increases costs. I feel like I’m starting to learn something about economics. Don’t worry, as your dear Congress will just pass a bill banning things from being expensive. The economy will be arrested if it dissents.

Faintness from hunger keeps you from moaning loudly. If you can’t afford fast food anymore, at least feel proud that workers are overpaid by law. Demanding 15 dollars per hour sure is a convenient number to remember, but that totally was the proper amount and not merely easy for sloganeering.

A rate that was easy for activists to utter with the alliteration of fighting for 15 would be acceptable naturally if the labor is worth it. But states won’t let markets decide, which is why your wallet’s thin contents prohibit you form choosing to add cheese to the burger you can’t afford, anyway.

Mandatory starting salaries are inflicted by the sort of politicians who never earned raises. It’s not like they’re going to admit labor would end up being worth more if the minimum wage were zero. As a hint for panic freaks, workers would make more upon negotiating and competing. It’s not magic if personal profitability increases by doing good work. In these enlightened and wealthy times, victims of compassion can’t afford to dine with royalty at Burger King. And His Majesty is unable to afford servants.

Making it harder to find work in the first place is one of those cruelties that’d be ruefully amusing if irony didn’t affect so many humans personally. Sure, it’s tougher for everyone else to afford everything, but at least everyone at the place you’re priced out of is rich.

Sanctimoniously announcing that nobody working full-time should be in poverty creates way more of it. High school kids manning a fry basket can’t move on or afford what they cook in glorious oil even with an employee discount, but at least they’re never hired in the first place.

Food just needs to be made complimentary. For those who know prices can’t be evaded, it’s dismaying to ponder how many things are branded free to compensate. Insurance mandates distanced consumers from prices, which made the latter skyrocket as the former glumly put back what’s now figuratively out of reach. But increasing costs is just part of the compassion involved in torching markets.

Don’t major in economics, as you might learn why it’s too expensive to be there. Tuition blew the roof off the library at an uncanny moment: it just happened to increase beyond inflation when government started throwing grants and subsidized loans around like they were giving military equipment to the Taliban. But domestic students remain unsatisfied with value.

Giving away mortgages only melted down the global economy, but at least some people got to live in houses they couldn’t afford for a few months. Remember to blame greedy financiers for coping with toxic waste handed to them by a government acting as if home ownership were a right. If so, they sure committed millions of crimes against humanity. It doesn’t seem like The Hague is interested in justice.

Beg politicians to stop remedying. Life is challenging enough without the alleged help of messianic dolts. It’s possible to get by with hard work paired with a shrewd eye for deals. Instead, those who think we’re one intervention from cheap everything wind up increasing prices by law even though that runs counter to their declared goal. The worst part is they’re not harming on purpose.