Buffalo Sabres Rob Bank
KeyBank wants to remain linked to the Buffalo Sabres. I worry they’d lose your money. A novel take on interest allows the franchise to keep profiting even if they’re not winning. And they’re definitely not.
A hockey company gloating about continuing to sell the name of where they technically compete surely knows just what fans want. Judging by the volume of social media posts the Sabres shared about their windfall, we’re supposed to be impressed. Yet we refuse to offer congratulations. Making bank from a bank is way easier than getting stubborn fans to buy tickets for the only club that’s missed the playoffs this many times in a row. This seems like a good time to point out there have been five presidential elections since the last time the Sabres won a series.
A currency stream won’t stop flowing based on standings. You don’t even need to make the postseason to keep the payments arriving. That’s particularly good news for the outfit in question. A bank slapping its name on a venue hasn’t even led to members of the public getting free pens. There’s nowhere at the cashless arena to get a roll of quarters, so that’s another reason to skip a game.
The Sabres care about their fans except for the part where they smirk about how much
gasconade they’ve spewed in the name of perpetuating corporate blemishing. Adding the financial institution’s symbol to the away helmet proves nothing’s sacred. The unnervingly enthusiastic about sullying uniforms with a logo that’s not a buffalo over sabres. Why not? It brings them bucks.
The one thing I feared was that the Sabres weren’t making enough. Sure, they take in a couple ducats from unfathomable television deals, conning the occasional sucker to fork over enough to cover obscene ticket prices, and the equivalent of a housing payment for an oil can of beer. But there needs to be overhead funding.
There’s nothing about which to gloat. Of course, that won’t stop them. The Sabres are way too proud about conning a pecuniary depository into bafflingly extending its unfortunate association. The most tone-deaf organization in pro sports is hurt that you don’t care about its windfall.
The Sabres aren’t going play in a spot with a historical appellation linked to its neighborhood or honoring those who perished during a war. That would be tacky. Find a conglomerate that wants the ad space for respectability.
Being excited about maintaining the fourth bank name is as baffling as Buffalo fans who boast they still call the home field of the Bills Ralph Wilson or Rich Stadium. Nobody should feel enthusiastic about the vainglorious owner who named it after himself while whining about lack of revenue or previous corporate sponsor, respectively. I’d have been impressed if the Sabres started calling their base the Crossroads Arena. But a name describing the location doesn’t create passive income for someone worth 10 figures.
I understand banks are where the money is. Willie Sutton knew the same. The difference between the Sabres and a robber is that the latter is honest about thieving. The hockey bandits can use the infusion to fund desperately-needed improvements. Um, right? Peeling paint paired with a dull atmosphere sets the right mood for perennial underachieving. We can’t even have fun losing. A bank sign is fitting for a place with the vibe of a lobby.
Government ownership always leads to poor outcomes. It’s especially so with this government. Anyone who thinks that Erie County is good at anything is susceptible to ticket sales pitches by the Sabres. There’s not much of a waiting list. Honorary Sabre Mark Poloncarz unsurprisingly thinks the solution is a different governmental level and not selling the building to the tenant so it can invest on its own. The Sabres wouldn’t just enjoy the pride of ownership: they’d reap the profits. Some call it the free market. It’s what’s in the county that makes the place worthwhile. That doesn’t count the hockey side.
A business’s name on a county-owned facility is sadly unsurprising. This is the area that’s forcing taxpayers to fund a multibillionaire’s business expenses. The only way to make such shameless welfare more wasteful is to plop a stadium in the same remote and particularly snowy area. There will be no development around a sinkhole, which is doubly awful considering they had the precedent of the previous regrettable decision made over half a century ago.
A plethora of announcements about the corporate name was insufficient. The very aware Sabres paired dull details what they found thrilling with a bombardment of solicitations for tickets. They aren’t selling for some reason. The organization is specifically struggling to fill the home opener in a baffling situation. Why wouldn’t supporters want to see their beloved squad for the first chance in months?
There’s a better way to attempt to fill seats than pleading to take a handout. All it takes is mild competence, so forget it. Ownership isn’t going to panic just because they’ve overseen ghastly results for their entire tenure. It’s only been like a decade and a half. This team doesn’t deserve its fans.
You don’t have to worry about Terry Pegula falling short of bus fare. He might still hitchhike. The owner’s favorite hobby is doing anything he can to not spend money. It’s certainly not watching his hockey team win. Trying to explain to Pegula he’d make even more if he were willing to invest a little is as futile as attempting to inform him why a hockey school manager is unqualified to serve as an NHL general manager.
Making the playoffs during this naming deal is the seemingly unreachable goal. They have until 2036. Any normal club would scoff at such an effortless challenge. But there’s nothing normal about the Buffalo Sabres. Their eagerness to boast about a bank daft enough to pay to associate with them flaunts their priorities. Some foolish teams make money by selling seats to fans who enjoy seeing winning.
