Comfort the Comfortable, Afflict the Afflicted

Do you prefer pretending to be tough or genuine slacking? This job sounds fun, if not quite helpful. Journalism after Donald Trump has been lousy in a slightly different manner, which is a relief for those concerned about fundamental change. Even fewer tasks get done if you fretted our brave information gatherers were too stressed from transcribing. Those tasked with observing the productive have earned a vacation after four years of pretending to work.

The charade exhausts. Poor communications professionals acted as if they toiled just like they feign objectivity. They’re for the truth as long as it’s warped to fit an ideology that doesn’t work and are supposed to avoid flaunting. Shrieking about not getting what’s desired wears out even the most supercharged toddlers. To a correspondent, running one’s mouth is worse than a shift in a coal mine.

Those hiding in group projects have a clear career path ahead. Impossibly pompous cable news lecturers and blog pontificators were not smart enough to learn fractions, much less major in engineering. A job that permits hiding behind free speech allows for acting as if the collective is honorable.

Ostensibly recording events is the sort of work where doing it is mistakenly conflated with honoring free speech. An attack on any journalist means crossing out the First Amendment. It might just be an individual is bad at the task. But criticism means you don’t believe in humans speaking, so shut up.

Preen as a profession. Useless journalists naturally make the news about themselves. Those covering it are way more interesting than what’s being covered. Your brain would smoke if you didn’t have Lester Holt providing crucial context.

The preponderance of egomaniacs in what should be the most humbling field just makes the crummy output even more jarring. Noticing what important people do is more menial than handing out strip club flyers. To compensate, profession members add their takes to let the public know they’re deep thinkers who are supposed to do so much more than parrot the words of others.

Those observing the mean erstwhile president somehow managed to make themselves as loathsome as him. It’s Trump’s only power. Alleged superhero journalists were unable to resist his trap. Why did they spend all that time in college learning about the inverted pyramid if it didn’t protect from being baited into a mud wrestling bout where both sides are humiliated? The villainous ability must have been how he seduced all those vapid ladies with plastic chassis.

Sure, they didn’t actually hold Trump accountable or anything. And they actually enabled his tantrums by matching his truculence. But there was truth to power otherwise. The last thing an adult infant needed was someone upsetting him by shrieking back. Those tasked with scrutinizing office-holders were successful otherwise. Chatterers were as unlikable as the boorish president who faced their shrieks. The presidency was a Cowboys/Patriots Super Bowl, except it actually happened.

Failing to see disclaimers under preposterous claims made by serial liar Biden shouldn’t make you distrust him or them. If every last thing he believes is untrue, the media would certainly bring it to the public’s attention. They’re a utility of usefulness. Feel assured that we’re on a safe and wise path due to the lack of real-time countering on his daft claims, even beyond his assurances that he still has the Q*bert high score at the Aladdin’s Castle in the Dover Mall.

The lack of accountability doesn’t mean the incumbent will get away with mischief and incompetence. A sudden absence of constant disclaimers on tweets and cable news chyrons just means we finally have an amazing executive who totally hasn’t bumbled his way to the top.

Hearing about what ice cream Biden likes as he pets his dogs surely means he’s only making swell decisions. Why would the media question the savior protecting us from meanness by getting more people on federal insurance?

The press continues to hold those in power accountable by assailing the party out of it. Check out very fair journalists asking why cruel Republicans crave confiscating health care from millions of poor people.

Purportedly curious news professionals never bother asking why so many are poor in the first place, perhaps because it’s connected to a belief system they totally don’t worship in private. Journalists close the shades before replying to Vox tweets with adulation. Make sure you signed in to your burner.

Imagine the same standard applied to Democrats, then come back once you’ve laughed hard enough to drop your phone. The trick is believing in the unobtainable with positivity. Barack Obama was a charming liar, which made aspiring sophisticates admire him for the same reason salt of the Earth types embraced Trump’s blunt phoniness. Meanwhile, the Clintons have based their loving and faithful marriage on common interests like determining what is truth and claiming the precise opposite. Why do you think they’ve slept in the same bed three or four times?

Saying what someone else said is tricky. It’s asking too much to relay what’s happening. Dolts who flaunt it for paychecks simply must add crucial perspective. Their stupid customers never could grasp how swell Jen Psaki’s lies about today’s screwups are incredible without a framework built by those to meek for carpentry.

The transition is tricky to navigate. Faux transcriptionists have gone from announcing Trump is the first president to ever be untruthful to explaining how charming Biden is as he fights racism and oppression. As the incumbent maintains, a dreamy claim is bound to work. Democratic voters and journalists agree. Of course, one circle is wholly contained within the other. If you think things are going badly, imagine how much worse it’d be to not be lied to about what sucks.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.