Elect to stop electing one person to boss us around. An allegedly free country shouldn’t be defined by whoever wins that single office. Autonomous creatures infuriatingly presently accept a constant stream of orders from someone who’s supposed to keep enemies out of our living rooms instead of controlling what happens within them. The fridge is next to the couch because I want it there.

Limit the presidency not just because it shows the twerp who’s boss. The most regrettable election in memory is merely a fine recent reason to have an executive so irrelevant that we forget the person’s name. Whoever won shows up on the news every three weeks and independent humans go “Oh, right.” Living without a politician’s name in mind would be a welcome contrast from the current status where poor subjects wake up to their minds projecting the name before eyes open.

Use the selection of one of the two worst candidates possible as an excuse if that’s necessary. The next panic is unplanned but inevitably looming. Delusional goons exploit every crisis as an excuse to control humans they find less enlightened despite ample contrary proof. It’s about time to use current events as a reason to leave people the hell alone.

Respecting legal limits for a change is not just when you loathe the electoral conqueror. Don’t wait to lust after being told what to do when the person who got your vote wins. Expanding authority is cherished by the sort of visionaries who don’t think their faction could ever lose an election. How is it possible when he’s so awesome? Voters could never disagree. Joe Biden is incapable of running either the economy or our self-worth.

Despite mean parents preventing you from having ice cream soup for dinner, it’s good to have restrictions. The Constitution is still technically legally binding. We have one in case anyone forgot. Restraints aren’t merely philosophically noble: anything that’s too fun to use against the other side might be turned on you.

A contained executive would be worthwhile even aside from partisan slap fights. It might be good to not let the winning brute act like a supernaturally-appointed regent whose daily whims become policy. The policies created without all that legislative claptrap might not be visionary. But would you even want a desired edict imposed? The precedent surely wouldn’t be abused by unchecked wannabe autocrats.

Nobody should be disappointed by how much won’t be deemed legally binding. The one person on that one branch isn’t a dictator, to the lament of partisans and enemies of being serious about having a free country. Those who use the term “the Republic” when freaking about Trump sure are eager to enable horrifying overreaches of power. If only John Kerry could be allowed to shutter industry, we’d finally be able to breathe.

Except for the scary things that actually happen, much of what we fear never comes into being. That’s quite the relief. Hyper election followers always forget to verify how many proposals are actually enacted by mouthy presidential hopefuls. Or, they don’t care, which may or may not be more charitable. But not getting to snap their dreams into being because of these dang checks and balances is the greatest gift delusional politicians could receive.

Not examining what presidents actually do is playing their game. They run their mouths for success, claim game players. A successful contender may not have actually implemented what they promised. I apologize for cynicism. That whole law having to start as a bill claptrap is apparently still technically in effect.

Stop feeling inspired by these atrocious nitwits to take away the mystique. Let whoever’s enough of an arrogant suck-up enough to get to the office run wild to experience the agonizing difference between concepts and reality. That rather painful lesson is relearned by humans daily.

My preferred messiah will run Washington properly. That’s what elections are about. America couldn’t be a better argument for punching government than the sort of pompous morons elected to it. It’s important to only call it service ironically.

The president should get few responsibilities for reasons that become clearer after every election. There’s not much more to the job than tapping the missile button any time a jerk non-America country dares hassle the best place. It shouldn’t take a foreign threat to unite us in suspicious contempt of whatever raging dolt kissed enough Electoral College asses to skip searching for real work.

Limit the position to true tasks, like accepting jerseys from championship teams. If everyone promises to not treat visiting the president after winning some tournament as a partisan act, we might be able to keep him busy enough to never address his paperwork stack. Graciously shaking hands with a jerk is what politics should be about. The job and not America’s rulebook should be largely useless.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.