Grasping at Straws
The hardest thing aside from affording bread is trying to get Kamala Harris to admit she believes anything. The alleged candidate might not admit she wants to be president. Based on her campaign strategy of avoiding human contact, that would be the first true thing she’s ever said.
It’s really unfair of commoners to expect their future decision-maker to be subjected to indignities like announcing what she thinks. Kamala can’t support baseless lunacy now that general election voters will notice. Try to muster enough compassion to weep on her behalf.
The inspirational dedication that must be mustered to feign not embracing the monstrous ideology that ruined everything is a challenge we don’t respect the sort-of current and possible future executive enough for completing. Harris’s ideals must be amazing if she has to claim she doesn’t hold them in order to squeak her way to a single electoral vote victory.
Liberals struggle to remember whatever daft infringement they inflicted on any particular day. Keeping you from living fully sure seemed important at the time. Take preventing those enjoying beverages from using the most dangerous environment-murdering device available, namely a straw. The irrational frenzy subsided while the harm inflicted remains.
A sudden baseless mania for declaring something they didn’t even notice yesterday is causing such damage today that it warrants seizing an everyday item: banning straws is the perfect liberal issue. Disguising their fantasy of making it so the first part of your iced coffee touches your teeth embodies faking not wanting to boss you around about every last thing.
Kamala wants your straws like how every Democrat wants to decide what you’re not allowed to have. Drinking comfortably is grouped with guns, plastic bags, health insurance, modest income, coal pizza ovens, gasoline engines, automobiles, working power plants, and success. They think your things are a threat.
The presumption that they have the right to take rights is as un-American as it is anti-human. Creating challenging conditions for others is how they themselves muster enough smugness to last until the next thing they want to take. Hassling others is intrinsic to their personalities. You don’t need to provide a reason to possess something. That includes free speech to tell the grabby to sod off.
It’s so kind of them to let us have anything. Ingrates bitch about what’s prohibited instead of appreciating what our superiors benevolently deem permitted. Professional confiscators think they’re allowing you to have things as part of their divine right. Why else would a selfless public servant go through the burden of getting elected if not to decide what gets to happen? The precisely inverted mentality leads to treating every trifling interdiction as a treat. Improvise something tasty from a Coca-Cola Freestyle machine instead.
Don’t you want Earth to live? Pretending partaking leads to walking knee-deep through trash around a resource-deprived dying planet is the smugly irrational way to casually ban something harmless. They seek victims, but no manatees seem bothered.
The only benefits come to those who control your moments. Taking what’s yours doesn’t improve life, but it least it removes liberty. For Democrats, it’s all upside. Next, they’ll tell you how you’re lacking in empathy.
A possessor of a delicious offering may get refreshed, sweetened, soured, drunk, or jittery in whatever style brings happiness. Such consumptive autonomy outrages the Kamalas of the world. If she’s not smart enough to tell you how to replenish your fluids, then why is she one of the finalists to do so?
As always with getting harassed, there’s a precedent. You’ve encountered the formula before. You want a haircut, huh? Well, I guess you also want the plague to spread. Those who mocked critics of shutting down society in a vain attempt to halt a virus as freedom fetishists are on the constant prowl for what to take next.
There will be no benefits from aggravation by decree other than their ordering what you can’t order, which is the goal. Scaring people keeps them from thinking straight. That’s the only way Democrats can win elections.
Getting upset about having to bring a cup to one’s lip isn’t the point. You can’t escape the spill’s radius. Anyone who wants to be left aloe should be ticked that politicians have granted themselves so much unearned jurisdiction that they can unilaterally ban personal narrow disposable sanitary intake tubes.
It’s big deal precisely because it’s so small. Life is regulated in every freaking aspect down to how one prefers to imbibe. Getting to the glass’s bottom as one chooses isn’t a right listed in the Constitution, but it’s implied.
Making you justify how liquids reach your mouth from your receptacle reveals baked-in authority. Paper straws are an appalling crime against humanity, but their felonious existence will continue to be mandated. The grossest way to get to the bottom of your Dr Pepper serving doesn’t make the oceans weep, you see.
Casual tyrants circumvent inconveniences like waiting for Congress to pass a bill by claiming the emergency is too urgent for respecting the legal process. It’s uncanny how everything statist goons profess is worth a red alert. Their feelings are the only evidence they have, which they think embodies science. Democrats are not saving the Earth: they’re making life miserable for Earth’s residents.
Self-proclaimed warriors for the people claim they’re the only hope for preserving democracy while taking yet one more harmless implement from citizens. Nonchalant autocracy is Kamala’s dream. Stay hydrated in preparation for resistance. Defenders of swallowing milkshakes at one’s preferred pace must fly Gadsden flags with the rattlesnake embracing a straw and Gonzales flags with a straw replacing the cannon. The struggle never ends to sip.
