The arsonist needs more napalm to rebuild. Gasoline on its own wasn’t enough. Stir in powdered Tide to make progress stick. We need more flames for cleansing. Would you at least give fire a chance?

A virus which infected thoughts and outlooks is just the latest example of endless rules causing more harm then the problems they allegedly solve. Shutdowns that didn’t shut down illness is a change of pace from their usual habit of scuttling the economy while attempting to sail us to new riches.

Restrictions for safety that create more danger are nothing new. Making it tough for the law-abiding to obtain firearms curiously didn’t stop liquor store robberies. The next restriction will be the one that gets criminals to obey laws. Bloodbaths in safety zones are the fault of adjacent cowboy jurisdictions that realize the Second Amendment has practical benefits on top of philosophical ones. It’s easy to notice felonies don’t surge the other way when one doesn’t need to dodge ballistic projectiles.

Taxing you into submission is the only way you’ll learn. Your better spenders didn’t confiscate quite enough during the last round of holding you upside-down by your ankles and shaking. Some change might have remained in your fifth pocket, and such greed led to another trillion in debt. Treating taking what you earned staying in your account as robbing government is as logical as it is helpful.

Selfless politicians can only make the economy purr once they’ve eaten your pizza fund. It’s your fault for declining an investment opportunity that’ll double your earnings. If you’re that stubborn, politicians will have to make you rich by law.

You’d think a little government assistance would make things a little better. That’s because you are an unsophisticated troglodyte who simplemindedly insists your fellow tribespeople can lower prices through negotiation and competition. If you were advanced enough to wear futuristic Star Trek jumpsuits, you might be able to grasp a law can make things cheaper. How could money disobey, idiot?

There’s no improvement with every lesson, as Washington does not master karate. Your rather ungraceful leaders need utter control to impose our dreams by force. Adding hardwood floors makes walking perilous until you’ve gone all the way, which makes it just like single-payer medicine. Citizens sure do have to jump over a lot of gaps left by federal installers. I hope they were drunk on the job, as working like this sober leaves no excuse.

A Democratic president will surely obey the results of experiments. Now, give more control of your physical shell to the post office people. Joe Biden can’t admit Obamacare sucks because he’s too committed to the fib. And who wants a nasty DM from his former boss? Besides, your eternal illness is your fault. You and your contrarian desire to choose how you receive care has doomed the health of all.

Stubbornly insisting on the coverage and doctor you selfishly want is a contagious disease just like thinking competing for your business will lower prices. When has that ever worked? Your diagnosis runs contrary to values of communal salubriousness.

Individual well-being has been disregarded for the sake of the whole. Now, that’s selfless. Government providing compassionately efficient insurance will surely work as it is granted more power to inflict health.

Society’s supervisors couldn’t just let buyers and sellers negotiate like with everything else. Low prices at high quality are cruel to those unable to find bargains. Those who are bad at money might go broke while spending 17 dollars per potato, and we can’t leave the dimly bankrupt behind.

If you think businesses are cruel, stop giving them customers by law. Every mandate guarantees purchases for an outfit that would otherwise have to compete for your nickels. Many confused souls think a corporation being involved means capitalism is at work when aligning with politicians is the precise opposite. Sellers should be having to kiss your moneymaker, not Biden’s.

There’s no need for a risible law trying to keep prices low when buyers look for them naturally. The only force necessary is insurers having to be efficient to win customers. The economical triumph happens without an executive order from a dopey president who’s never run a business, or worked for one, for that matter.

Treat companies meanly by making transactions voluntary. Real power isn’t a mandate which guarantees them business but rather consumers who can spend elsewhere. And liberals thought they were the ones who loathed conglomerates.

The latest failure to bend fate through mandates just means we have to redouble our efforts to make life affordable by diktat. Another round of price limits will surely be the one where everything becomes cheap. A crummy spouse insisting behavior modifications are finally taking root surely will save the marriage. Divorce is illegal.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.