Donald Trump finally got a majority. The Senate falling a bit short of convicting someone guilty was the lone vote where more people selected the singularly hideous former politician’s name. Gloating about just barely avoiding a legislative reprimanding for his failed insurrection is on brand to the point of being parodic. Now, let’s avoid more examples from an attention whore who’s officially irrelevant.

The worst thing about being the first to be impeached twice is how one was deserved. Everyone outside the red-capped cult figured the WWE Hall of Famer would do something scuzzy enough to warrant removal.

But impatience by sworn nemeses only helped the miscreant. Democrats were so enthusiastic about the notion that they wrote a spy novel about Russian intrigue snaring an American president. Like most self-published books, it meandered sans plot. If a party renowned for not thinking ahead had only tried it once, they could’ve waited to charge him for an actual crime. But visionary patience is not a strong suit of those who think government can make tuition cheaper.

The impact lessens with sequels. That first installment came into being because Trump’s professional enemies figured he simply must have done something shady. Details turn out to be important for those allegedly enforcing the law.

Shrieking about an enemy nation they’ve found villainous ever since it became clear Mitt Romney wouldn’t become president turned out to be insufficient. In fact, a baseless prosecution allowed him to act persecuted, which fed into the poor baby’s paranoia. Trump’s only superpower is making his enemies so mad they don’t criticize him rationally.

But he saved the biggest outrage for the end like a true drama queen. A private citizen who is decidedly no longer president should be happy to know he’ll be remembered like the Confederate generals he admires. Those vigorous dissenters against American rule of law also didn’t overthrow the government despite trying their very hardest. Wars don’t award participation trophies.

Trump did marshal his forces in Washington in what might have been the only thing he planned ahead, presuming insurrection was his scheme all along. The CSA was less sneaky about it. Robert E. Lee never thought to run for America’s presidency.

An unpredictable storming was most predictable end to a lone term that was supposed to shock us. Trump was like Marilyn Manson attempting to scare people who just shrugged at his antics. Every tantrum went as expected even if the details were unexpected.

The shunned ex-executive’s shtick must be exhausting if you’re hoping for self-punishment. He can’t stop now. Trump has to pretend he’s a winner because succeeding for the sake of it has been his guiding sort-of principle. A very non-politician sure dedicated a lot of resources to creating an image. Excuses have to fit, which is why he prepared to bitch well before the election. If he had invested as much energy in doing a good job, he might not have had to kvetch about Joe freaking Biden beating him.

Don’t laugh, but Trump can presently still run for office. It would be fun to watch him lose again if the prospect dismays. The vote sadly wouldn’t be unanimous. Do those who still think the prototypical empty suit deserves to inflict a second term on us want to storm the Supreme Court? If New Jonestown residents haven’t yet learned lessons about being seduced by the weakest tough guy, it’s not about to happen after such an unfortunate bout with being head of state.

This would be the perfect time for Trump go away, hopefully while mortified. Unfortunately, neither of those are likely for an erstwhile television steaks salesman who treats rudeness as a virtue. America could use Republicans brave enough to reject his gold-colored endorsement in 2022. Failing that, they could at least calculate that inviting a toxic human to a rally helps in the same sense bleach gives coffee flavor.

That’s about enough of a bad person and the baddest president. Trump will continue smirking because the most shameful episode he initiated didn’t result in his conviction, so don’t bother checking. This is the moment he’d feel regret were he capable. The man who took what he did to Atlantic City nationally seems to only experience emotions that every major religion classify as sins. Faking toughness doesn’t count.

Horrid fads must expire, right? Acting like their loser coup leader is still cool should be the apex of embarrassment. A disturbing allegiance to the biggest phony is like admitting to being Vanilla Ice fans by the time he released his second single. Parachute pants, designs carved into the back of one’s hair, and tone-deaf claims of coolness are almost as aesthetically mortifying as black glass.

Those who believe in consequences still hold out hope. Criminal charges would finally make the person who’s escaped accountability more than any other human. Please arrest and convict the bank robbery plotter, only because it’s fun to picture him mouthing off in the yard. Prison is one place where Trump’s claims of alpha maleness can truly be tested. I’m sure all his pals from whom he demanded slavish fealty will send him cigarettes so he can buy something nice.

The former game show host’s committed countless unforgivable sins in tactics, demeanor, and results. But the worst remains making it so liberals have a point. Those still railing against diabolical voting machines persist in thinking anything the libs hate must be awesome. But disgraced General Trump proves some behavior is so repulsive that even Nancy Pelosi is correct to condemn it.

Through appalling conduct, lack of decent results, and longterm plans sacrificed for cheap quick gains, he helped Democrats like he never even left the party. Trump was the best bumbling secret agent ever. On his own terms, he’s a loser. Let his dwindling diehards understand.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.