The alternative could inflict even more pain on our fragile lives. Don’t ask for proof. A cancer patient who doesn’t have AIDS gets to look on the bright side. The election let us learn which ghastly option has been neutralized as a threat. That was the sole gain possible. Cheer up that only certain sharks chomp your limbs.

Thanks to governments picking up on the basics of counting, we’re pretty sure which lone option remains. Focus on which one is gone for unwarranted idealism. The fact it was going to suck is balanced out by how it doesn’t suck the other way. Only enduring half of the bad options is one of those yin yang duality of man moments to ponder. Sure, it’s not like good balanced out bad. But half of two atrocious choices is out of politics, which is the best part about the worst candidate field.

Thinking of alternative realities is a sure sign the only one of which we’re aware features swell developments. This’d be a perfect time to be ripped into a different DC Comics world. I thought science fiction nerds would’ve figured out how to get us the hell out of here by now. I wish we lived on a planet that never straightened out the Crisis on Infinite Earths. Anyone decent would prefer to inhabit a world where this particular pushy brute didn’t win. The sentiment would’ve been the same either way.

If you just want some participants in an unpleasant brawl to be sad, there’s good news. About half of partisans are resentful, or at least a bit more than they already were. Getting hassled is presently inevitable, so focus on those who resent not getting to live their fantasy of crushing anyone who dares dissent.

The proper insignia will prevent being bullied. Half of the participants in the two for flinching game are victims. Politics is about choosing the right side so you can torment those who guessed wrongly. Taunts and retribution show how very inspirational it can get.

The tally was going to spur a hideous outcome either way, so appreciate what’s missed. We may as well be grinning optimists who note what we don’t have to face. There will be half the maximum time of Donald dang Trump as head of state, so appreciate the end of unique inappropriateness to try a new version of conventional ickiness. The new nightmare will be novel.

Those who wish to be unbothered may as well embrace the relief of not having the vanquished be in charge anymore. We can also call Trump a loser for eternity, which is particularly joyous considering it goes against the image he somehow cultivated over decades of concealing failure. Sure, there’s only happiness in negativity. But that’s the incumbent’s legacy, so he should appreciate imparting the lesson.

Having a single executive pays off. People can only date one horrible human at a time unless they’re skilled at juggling text messages. You may have ended up with an alcoholic who empties your wallet, but at least you’re not attached to the chronic cheater anymore.

It could be worse. Well, it would be a different kind of worse. Lick the hot pan instead of grabbing it for a kind of relief. Anyone sensible would be saying the same if results were reversed. A different type of rottenness doesn’t spur happiness. Biden will be more forthright about running your life as a principle than as a shtick. But tariffs suck whether it’s a matter of or in defiance of ideology.

You say Biden’s out of it like it’s a bad thing. An addled liberal dragged leftward by the equivalent of relatives getting a bedridden grandpa to sign a new will might not be able to sign legibly, which is the republic’s best hope.

Biden has phases of forgetting what a jerk he is, which beats the alternative. Trump remains aware of who he is, which is not a compliment. Count the final moments of hearing from a prototypical horrid businessman obsessed with domination instead of developing goods people wanted, including from the Oval Office. You can loathe him for different reasons than liberals who are secretly unnerved by how often their policies align with their personal Hitler, including their contempt for anyone outside their tribe.

Wallowing in rancor means politics as usual. Forgetting what positivity feels like is now normal, so know you’re not alone. Everyone is naturally exhausted that we’ll be hassled by government no matter what. Now, refusing to continue voting for it would be swell. If nothing else, we’re not getting the other one. And there’s nothing else. Crazy dreamers are foolish enough to think people will learn to not nominate such hideous options. It’d beat being grateful for the cars that didn’t run us over.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.