Make All Go Away

Crack would be healthier. Hunter Biden is finally useful. A ceaseless addiction to Donald Trump is destroying the minds of those hooked. Acting like the atrocious hobby is enjoyable represents the worst of many parts. As always, unfortunate souls who find themselves around dirtbags are harmed the most.

The compulsion to make every last topic about a guy who I’d like to remind all has been out of that one office for a couple years now is worse than traditional drugs. Sure, you’ll miss your teeth, but you can drink smoothies. Both his most zealous adherents and ardent resisters need him around to feel important, which causes more damage than having to smile with one’s mouth closed for photos.

Grating participants are unwilling to kick the worst habit. They’re not unable: it’s just that quitting would take fortitude. Blame addiction for the unwillingness to divorce someone who specializes in it.

Second marriages don’t work out for those repeating errors that doomed the first ones. Ask someone who decided multiple times that a lifetime commitment came with an asterisk. Even Trump hasn’t been foolish enough to marry the same person twice. Display absolute loyalty to someone who shows none of it.

Flaccid goons remain blinded by gold. That’s the color and not the rather valuable metal. This era is helpful if creating an example of devotion to delusion is useful. The ultimate in phoniness conned suckers so thoroughly that there’s either no resistance to begin with or an unwillingness to back down after this much commitment. Anyone who could actually endure his presidency and proclaim they want to double down will buy any real estate you can sell.

It’s not just his cultists but their alleged worst enemies who crave ceaseless conflict. Alleged foes wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if he were finally banished to obscurity like they claim is their utmost desire. The need for a foil reflects a fear of Holmes without Moriarity, only with affected outrage replacing cleverness.

Each faction awaits not-so-secret orders. It’s not like they’ll refuse to obey. Rugged individualists wouldn’t know what to do with themselves without respective gangs issuing preprogrammed responses. LARPers were already without purpose before getting too deeply into character.

Political hooligan firms would find themselves with nothing to do if Emmanuel Extra Goldstein disappeared. Superheroes are relegated to picking up litter. Also, their powers are limited to kvetching about the results of their policies and noticing Trump is an orangish hue. Tiresome resisters think they’re battling Lex Luthor while sitting in bedrooms reading comics while lounging on Superman sheets.

The chief side effect of getting hooked on the outrage is constant exhaustion. Those not indulging are stricken, as well. The similarly warped either think constant moaning defines robust manly awesomeness or serves as evidence Satan can possess pompous nitwits. They’re still suckered into playing his game either way. Marks can walk away just like gamblers did to his impossibly gaudy Atlantic City casinos.

The secret that they seek the same goal is the only way for those sick of watching combatants shriek at each other enjoy the match. Fervent faux combat participants don’t heed anything as trifling as policy results. Fans of ticking off libs ignore his adoration of tariffs, enthusiasm for lockdowns, and lust for debt. You may have noticed that the embodiment of egomaniacs pursued an unnerving quantity of liberal policies, but only if you noticed results and not claims. Melodrama is exactly what both sides want in nostalgia for the worst moments.

Haven’t you ever hated both Super Bowl participants? Cheer for Buffalo chicken dip instead. The playoffs are still going in the contemptible sport of politics. These are not the only sides despite the binary nature assured to us by both regrettable sides. Republicans who just want a few cabinet agencies banished to Siberia remain uninterested in a shady religion based on a pyramid scheme.

The need for a central figure to genuflect to or flip off creates bipartisanship of the wrong kind. The only thing worse than obsessing over one person is when it’s this person. Normal humans were beyond over this shtick two election cycles ago. Heck, Trump’s been boring since it became clear he was lousy at business in direct inversive proportion to his boasting around the time he boasted of taking on the NFL while losing to it. The biggest faker we’ve ever encountered keeps announcing who he is if some people would like to learn one of these decades.

Worshiping a horse’s ass is exactly what this nation was founded to oppose. The worst sort of royalty is selected by subjects. Feeling entitled without earning. Charles III has made more honest dollars.

Vowing to move past the most deliberately unpleasant human is the best way into the future. Acting as if the only antidote to Biden is a second poisonous dose. We can get back to arguing about why Democrats screw up everything rather than focusing on a longtime Democrat’s proclamations.

It’s tough to connect with anyone who’s not sick of the bickering. Falling for obnoxiousness’s primary example is as dull as getting outraged by it. It should take nearly this long to learn that tantrums stop upon ignoring them. Trump won’t learn before he’s 80. The last holdouts on both sides of a tiresome slap fight should finally learn now.