No Debate About Joe Biden’s Lucidity
Joe Biden is unfit to be president. Wait: I just saw the debate. That’s even worse. It’s a good thing the position is part-time or we’d be doomed. The temp job he staffs doesn’t require him to be prepared or energetic, so there’s no need to fret about news breaking while waiting for dinner.
Someone in his ninth decade who’s always been a numbskull insists he can keep a job where work responsibilities can occur in any time zone. The technical commander-in-chief might need to deal with Kim Jong Un taking the parking brake off their nukes during North Korean business hours, which might interrupt Joe Bide Un’s Woody Woodpecker time. The choice between a half-declined inveterate liar or a fully-declined one will make November even more fun than now.
What time is the meeting to establish if dropping out should be official? That’ll determine whether they have to deal with Doctor Jekyll or Mister Bide. Dissolving the special energy vitamin in his chocolate milk is just another thankless task for the administration’s flunkies. You never praised them for making gasoline slightly cheaper than the mysteriously astronomical rate last summer under whoever headed the state then.
Biden’s cogency is like an eclipse: you appreciate it more because it’s rare. The only factor mitigating slumping is that he was sliding at the start. Anyone who endured him speaking at any time while he was vice president or senator knows cognitive deterioration began far before his oatmeal brain started leaking.
Friends and family must care about Grampy Joey if they want him to keep working. But cynics suspect close grifters may be motivated by more than having their beloved relative continue to feel purpose. Democrats think everyone else is a conniving schemer, too.
Doctor Jill Biden violates the Hippocratic Oath with stubborn elder abuse. It’s tough to focus on medical ethics as a mob wife. The crime family needs their meal ticket to keep the title even if he isn’t technically doing anything presidential. For Democrats, the claim is all it takes. Biden leads like Obamacare gave everyone awesome affordable insurance.
Life is worth whatever those in the compassionate faction conclude. From aborting the inconvenient to propping up a president who should be talking to a potted plant in a nursing home, Democrats are consistent about how much they value others.
This White House’s sole skill is proving conspiracies true. If you’re a Democrat ticked that Biden stubbornly won’t retire despite his inability to perform complicated tasks like identifying himself without pointing to his name tag, make sure you weren’t shrieking at Republicans a few weeks ago for noticing Biden needed to be led off the stage by his last manager.
Very fair journalists hope you forget like you’re the present president. Guardians of truth went from claiming Barack Obama guiding off Biden was a truther conspiracy to orchestrating scrambling for a replacement nominee faster than they went from claiming shutting down hairdressers for the sake of halting the virus was mandated for your own good to a voluntary wise suggestion.
Everything this addled president remembers he believes is based in pretending reality isn’t happening. The same media that lied about Hunter’s laptop, the diverse mosaic that open borders would create, how taking rights would keep you from getting sick, and corporations discovering greed in 2021 claims Joe Biden’s rough debate was a one-off. I’m sure they’re honest this once.
The time to have a talk with Biden about not being president was in 1972. His cold’s primary symptom is getting everything wrong. He’s had it for over half a century. The incumbent came up with the notion of getting rich by printing more money before he forgot his career.
The 25th Amendment is just another they loathe. You may as well want to own an AR-15 while announcing why the government can’t prevent such. The genie’s wish always turns into a curse. As with inflation ruining the aforementioned cash handout scheme, Biden’s party never learns to abandon quick fixes.
Pushy federal goons wanted a defiant president who refused to be constrained by niceties like waiting for Congress to pass a bill. Now, the executive ordering specialist applies the same stubbornness to remaining sitting in his fancy swivel chair. Frankenstein whines about his monster.
Foes of vexing checks and balances have always wanted a king. Now he doesn’t have power and they still kvetch. A clandestine committee voting on one person’s alleged decisions is the closest Democrats get to democratic.
Wrestling fans enjoy pretend bouts despite knowing results are phony. Dispensing with the charade might work for a kayfabe presidency. Whoever’s really steering in the Oval Office while Biden sorts his Happy Meal toys might not be as effective as raising inflation despite best worst efforts. America’s best hope until 2029 is a country-ruining president who can’t complete his checklist anymore, including writing it.
The figurative megalomaniacal understudy who performed the role for the election would act just as terribly. It’s ideas that matter, which disappoints personality cults. The staff is already merely projecting goals based on estimating what the ostensible supervisor would want. The AI presidency is advanced considering the figurehead was born before color television.
The one-person branch is already being run by committee. Breaking yet another office rule is simultaneously dejecting and reassuring. Daft policies that could be churned out by algorithm show that idiocy is predictable even if the idiots change. Subtracting Biden’s regrettable personality would be the most pleasant part of his second try.
Why depose someone who can Velcro his own sneakers around midday? This term or the next wouldn’t change much upon conceding that the guy in charge isn’t. His mental meltdown offers the best chance to limit the damage he inflicts. The nation really lucked out.
Anyone honest is used to him being out of it. If it makes Democrats feel better, Joe Biden was a nastily moronic failure when he could form words. He’s the lucky one: he doesn’t know he’s boss.
