No Mo’ Cuomo
I could’ve told you Andrew Cuomo was dastardly a few weeks ago. The same observation was true a year earlier when quite false prophets identified him as COVID Jesus. Noting his particularly abominable brand of arrogant fumbling would have also been easy any time since he began pummeling New York State. And those with the thankless task of tracking his failures would have highlighted unearned promotions in any previous decade since he’s inflicted himself upon humanity. The scoundrel quitting is news. His innate repulsiveness is not.
Failure is most painful when it’s predictable. Cassandra told the world Cuomo would resign in disgrace, and not just because he groped her. The erstwhile Empire State’s erstwhile governor has been ruining lives long before he traumatized women as a result of hilariously thinking he’s an irresistible stud.
Take everyone on Earth going broke because of him. The man who’s as bad with other people’s money as he is at reading intentions did more than anyone else to cause the global financial meltdown as Housing and Urban Development secretary by pimping subprime mortgages.
Compared to busting the globe, wrecking New York’s economy by filtering a frighteningly high percentage of dollars through its bumbling capital was like a half day. Singlehandedly destroying whatever he deems his business is Cuomo’s thing. Blame voters who picked the worst messiah imaginable.
Cuomo certainly isn’t entering the private sector for the first time because it was the right thing. Calculation is his last refuge. Finally, he had a good press conference. The embodiment of an evil politician is sort-of held accountable even though he’ll likely skate on nursing home genocide. The Son of Sam couldn’t frighten New York like the Son of Mario.
Al Capone should’ve paid his taxes. Cuomo deserves to be locked up in Alcatraz as a tourist attraction. It’s a testament to how aberrant the eternally disgraced governor is that treating women like objects who exist to please him is relatively low on his offenses list. The dirtbag hailed by wise visionaries as a guardian at this time last year harassed 11 women along with killing thousands of elderly and one state. An inept psychopath claimed he built the only barrier between civilization and death. Guess which side he was actually on.
Harassing critics was just practice. The notoriously vindictive clown has spent a hideously entitled life getting everything perversely wrong. Treating legal gun owners like criminals is a sadly perfect example of twisted morality with horrible practical effects. It turns out he opposed bail for personal reasons, but the very real victims of opening jail doors on the honor system have turned a state he claims to care about into a real-life Purge. And draining the economy to save it has not raised the tide.
The spiritual descendent of Bill Clinton and the Grim Reaper is a prototypical leftist when he’s not molesting women or killing off members of any gender. The worst thing to happen to New York since the Jets spent his appalling career sitting down daily and figuring out how to fix everything even though he knows how to repair nothing. An autocrat by default is consistent in the worst way. Micromanaging is the preferred hobby of a ghastly predator whether he’s making your life difficult by molesting your wallet or bathing suit area.
Never leave anyone of any kind alone. It’s the family motto. A bizarre individual who believes Albany provokes prosperity might not be accurate with his science. Superstitiously breathing through cloth, shutting down industries on a whim, and forcing bar patrons to order food with drinks may not have preserved life, what with overseeing the nation’s second-worst death rate. New Jersey is finally good for something.
Cuomo delivered New York its first female governor to show he supported women all along. Kathy Hochul has the same awful ideas, so his successor’s abbreviated accidental term should be fun. New York politics consist of determining how corrupt the petty tyrant who commandeers your decisions is. There go more electoral votes fleeing to Texas.
You’ll have to tune into Fredo Junior’s cable outpost for updates on the most flaccid mob family imaginable. Chris is the only brother with a working microphone, which means he’s finally ahead of his brother when it comes to unjustified pomposity while spewing baffling takes.
Acting like they’re amazing as they fail is either genetic or the primary parenting lesson. Mario inflicted terrible brats on the world in the same way he churned out pain on the unfortunate state. You don’t have to follow in a parent’s footsteps. The brainwashed finally accepting awfulness is the only new part. Nothing changed from dreamboat press conference days. The weakest representative of the least tough state has always flaunted the same horrifying qualities.
The case study in bias should reduce media trust, if that’s possible. It took adulating an all-time serial killer for his purported lifesaving skills to dig deeper than rock bottom. Partisan diehards outside media quasi-professionals who fell for the shoddiest pitch imaginable craved seduction. A combination of partisanship and salesmanship was a cocktail that proved lethal to those who didn’t sip. Check New York’s teetering corpse pile for proof.
Those renouncing their faith in the phoniest antichrist imaginable remain complicit in his various crimes. Never let his worshipers forget how they enabled sparse attendance at countless family reunions. Jonestown residents claim to have always found the official beverage distasteful. But they can’t delete screenshots any more than their savior can intimidate his victims.
Getting away with mass murder is Cuomo’s consolation prize. A fiend who committed so many offenses against so many people belongs in the Hannibal Lecter cell. But depriving him of the office is the next-best punishment for a megalomaniac.
The most mortifying example of a control freak can’t access the power that lets him boss around others by force of quasi-law anymore, which to him is worse than pacing in a cell. Vic Mackey wasn’t prosecuted, but at least he lost the badge that he used to get away with everything. Oh, and Cuomo encouraged crime instead of fighting it. Plus, Michael Chiklis can portray a human in a way the resigning dastard never could manage.
New York will soon have a governor who presumably won’t harass women and lacks the unearned confidence to dictate terms while reality wins. But the state’s state can only improve so much from enduring less pain. Hochul has zero charisma and none of her devious warlock predecessor’s ability to unctuously manipulate. But she thinks her discarded pal did only one thing wrong. And that was getting caught. She totally cares about those fellow females he violated.
The trauma remains, as does every awful idea Cuomo inflicted. A state he made poor lost way more than money from his strategy of halting the virus by killing off the vulnerable. And a plethora of little infringements remain. New Yorkers still can’t get plastic bags at stores since Saint Andrew decided he could save the planet by banning a way to carry the result of commerce. A small irritation is a big deal when it’s one of a million, especially as a sign of how your life will be controlled down to the smallest detail.
Reversing time is another superpower a very ordinary bailing governor doesn’t possess. The most welcome resignation is not going to restore lost income, take back harassment, or reanimate your grandma. Ghosts finally got revenge in a horror movie of a state. It’s hard to stop such a large group of specters. A homeless ex-governor will find there are plenty of vacancies in New York’s nursing homes.
