Opposing Opponents

Anthony Bialy
4 min readMay 25, 2023

It turns out there’s one thing worse than enthusiastically supporting a political candidate. This cruelly indifferent world wins again. Vote against something for results as uplifting as imagined. Enough people alarmingly keep believing in government even as it begs them to stop.

Their side sucks more. I’m grateful to see the electorate not care for either option. A nation founded by flipping off a king is supposed to loathe both sides. But a lack of redeemable qualities in both options means one idiot issues orders for a couple years. Making sure the fiend doesn’t hold office leads to Joe Biden. Work all week to afford bread by the slice.

Government must be helping if it feels like we’re enduring terms. There have been a couple presidential elections in a row where the choice who made participants despise existence slightly less held a default advantage. Thinking everyone who runs for office is a ghastly Satan stand-in is even more crucial than usual. Hate the guts of the runner-up to be thorough.

Tolerating one option is too much to ask. Backing a certain party doesn’t mean cheering for icky intervention: those exhausted from being harangued just need a couple politicians who are lazy by design so they don’t vigorously impose a brand-new ripoff. We stand against those who are against us, which is the healthy kind of intolerance.

Stop pretending that one option is going to create affordable bliss. Suspecting everyone who is technically serving in office of fraudulent grifting corruption is correct mentality for accountability.

Extra vigilance against your preference is an aggravation at a time you thought enabled relaxation. But pretending one side is cool ends up way more exhausting.

Potential political victims should especially suspect those in your own party of ripping you off, as trust is how they seduce victims out of their pearls and into their wills. That penmanship doesn’t match. Look for one ballot choice who’s slightly less interested in harassing you, then preemptively back the less atrocious choice. Civics should inspire.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there are literally millions of Americans who like politicians. Even worse, many of these sad human cases admire the technical leaders who take their stuff and rights if you wonder how things turned out like this. Thinking their crew is amazing shows why Two and a Half Men lasted for as long as it did. Imagine electing Chuck Lorre and being unable to change the channel, and you understand how our federal government acts.

Results are in, and way too many people don’t trust themselves. Connecting their personalities to a politician is the worst way to demonstrate faith. Sure, it’s not much of an investment. But they’d have more to contribute if they focused on developing skills instead of expecting Washington to provide.

Negative campaigns result from subtracting all candidates but the biggest minuses. It’s our fault for living in a republic. We usually enjoy such horrendous options that demonizing the alternative as even more ghastly is the easy option.

Of course all entrants suck. A country like ours shouldn’t feature an endless challenge to find a president who can perform actual job tasks while laying off on everything else. There are only a few listed, so the light shift should be appealing. We need a president who takes lunches long enough to last until dinnertime. Biden should preferably clock out and spend the afternoon looking for someone who’ll ride the seesaw with him.

A free vibe means feeling inspired by doing nothing. We should still not feel impressed with the figurative okay president as a principle. The hero may deserve a subtle not. Basic competence that leads to less work is not worth sending an Edible Arrangement or one of those pop-up cards that costs like nine bucks.

People shouldn’t be defined by what they hate. It’s naturally healthy to flinch at dreadful films and syncopated soulless irksome cynical pop music. And Chipotle is going to horrify anyone with functioning tastebuds. But having standards is a positive negative.

Let this serve as a reminder to despise all politicians like they stole your grandma’s insulin. Biden has done his best to actually do that. Giving everyone stuff makes it hard to find, if you can believe. Worst of all, messianic elected twits claim to have been the ones who tried to prevent shortages. There couldn’t be some other method like drug companies selling their product.

Alert citizens should especially distrust those for whom they vote. Federal prophets convince zealous dupes that it’s considered blasphemous to be suspicious. Believers elected them to save our souls and finances. Voters end up selling their most precious possession just to end up bankrupt. Even the Devil thinks this deal is unfair. Biden plagiarized off him in law school.