I’ll tell on you. Appealing to authority remains as mature as it seemed in fourth grade. Narcing for the benefit of mindless power is the basis for a major political philosophy if you wonder why progress hasn’t occurred as inevitably as anticipated. The president promised we’d be wealthy by now.

Citing someone ostensibly in charge as proof is totally not what a particularly impressionable brat would try to pull before reaching age eight. Particularly docile whippersnappers think whoever’s in charge must have unique expertise. Some humans enjoy childlike wonder so much that they retain it through retirement.

Looking for someone to assure you that your claims aren’t those of a dim crackpot is a sure indicator of confidence. Gesturing to government particularly indicates intellectual depth. The prophecy is not as self-fulfilling as hoped.

Acting as if legal were moral or functional explains why explanations baffle. Smugly pointing to preferred Supreme Court decisions as if they close the case can only be made more annoying when cult enrollees don’t proclaim that particular branch is an anti-democratic bastion of malevolence because five justices think the virtuous should be allowed to arm themselves.

The very existence of an endless list of agencies apparently confirms their supremacy. An ideology based upon presuming government should be in charge of anything that comes to mind precisely because it’s government hasn’t quite ushered in utopia. From telling businesses how to make things properly to figuring you wouldn’t be able to shop for insurance on your pathetic lonesome, pushiness will cure your icky humanity.

I wish lighting votive candle to their beloved protectors were just a joke. Politician worship is creepier than the behavior Leah Remini documents. Cultists taking conmen as prophets are bad enough, but they swindle those wiser through quasi-authority.

Leaderless leaders may not quite know anything about anything. The only thing worse than liking authority is liking the ghastly fiends elected to wield it.

Can they at least try to find interesting content? Imagine thinking a president, senator, Supreme Court Justice, or press secretary is a hip kid with sick burns. Megan Rapinoe doesn’t try harder to be cool. Meanwhile, treat entrepreneurs who make fortunes providing something people voluntarily acquire while employing many as predators. Our culture prefers adulating parasitic messianic twits who rail against the useful while needing to win elections to keep from living in the park.

Make sure nerds agree with you before announcing how awesome you think they are. Prattling on about how sweet science is can only be made more annoying not knowing what it means. Citing the flawed experiment of their choosing in a feeble attempt to end arguments is obvious overcompensation. But you try coming up with defenses for what they believe.

Science is a process that partially determines who doesn’t grasp that. Proving the foolishness of those who think conclusions are eternal is one of the chief outcomes. Anthony Fauci doesn’t make something true by announcing it before he switches his McNugget sauce request from honey mustard back to ranch. The certainty they think is found in citing the CDC proves the precise opposite of their point. Inadvertent experiments yield telling results.

Washington replaces religion for the allegedly rational, which just makes it that much more ironic. Like true zealots, they’re utterly humorless about their belief system. Insecurity is an irrational motivator.

Finding a human with an agenda who relies on panic for profit and by sheer coincidence confirms what they like is way different from looking for guidance in old stories found in a religious text. Ignoring how many scientists disagree with daft compulsory masking or the premise that the globe melts because of human comfort is just one more bit of research to disregard.

Pointing to dubious sources as if facts have been checked would be bad enough if it only affected those in the cult. But inflicting political solutions on relatively stable scenarios forces everyone to genuflect. Alleged overlords exhibit no genuine confidence for a reason. Acting as if a politician’s proclamation confirms presumptions is the natural result of never turning to backing like, say, evidence.

Keep engaging in the same sadistic behaviors and expect to turn out well-adjusted. Handing out freshly-printed bills seems like a nice break from doling out looted currency, but there will eventually have to be more of the latter. That’s unless we try something silly like cutting counterproductively useless and pernicious federal spending, and that would cause genocidal chaos.

Promising results aren’t even trickling in slowly. The promised cures and prosperity will arrive only once we believe hard enough. The shady process resembles excuses for failure of present political interdictions, namely that they don’t spend and control enough. Announcing it’ll take just one more mask run is sure to save lives, as why else would someone in power announce such? Your leaders are infallible. After all, you chose them.

It just takes a Democratic governor to know how money should be spent and just how free breathing should be. The only thing worse than thinking something is good because government allows it is thinking the same because an elected knucklehead says it’ll happen.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.