Regular Joe Regularly Bad

Get ready for a traditional terrible four years. Look on the bright side of dark times. A conventionally lousy presidency is the best hope when there’s none. Joe Biden is ideally inept enough that he doesn’t enact any of the dumb ideas that pop into mind during rare moments of clarity. He isn’t precisely renowned for flaunting that much sense, so failure would be success. I’m a wild dreamer.

Let’s make it so a Democrat never offers relief again. The all-time winner who lost spent a crabby term tearing down norms that it turns out were there for a reason. His replacement is not an affected outsider: he’s simply a pompous oaf who’s done nothing. That includes the nothing he’s done in government over half a century pretending to work for you.

Please bless us by making Biden believe terrible things within traditional boundaries. The best option right now is someone who’s wasted his life and much of ours ordering us around by law. That’s what believing in politics gets you.

Our great deliberative body attracts the shallowest dolts imaginable. A senator isn’t in charge no matter how strong the desire. Not electing a legislator is yet another unlearned lesson from the Barack Obama presidency. It still beats going with a buffoonish business failure.

But a lack of leadership skills is only like seventh on the list of problems with our new president. Ghastly notions don’t become more palatable with executive experience. Andrew Cuomo has plenty of it, and he’s a serial killer who’s chased many of his intended victims to Florida.

Lack of charisma is a blessing if we’re discussing a liberal president. Biden offers a fraction of Obama’s tiny enough that it would require zooming on a pie chart, and I’ve never been gladder a vice president failed to pay attention.

Of course, nobody could measure up to the slickest business-hating salesman, which is nowhere near a compliment. Feel glad persuasion is not contagious, as nothing is worse than idiots who can convince enough of the public that they’re geniuses. Critics cheer for an underwhelming sequel. Here’s to the Speed 2 of presidencies. Let it be as forgettable as not bringing back Keanu.

We’ll luck out if we have to cope with just dumb liberal junk. Very unpredictable visionary Biden has already decided trillions squandered will cure our woes. Why would Obama’s vice president remember how dreadful the term was?

Sure, spending what was ours to take rights that were ours is unconstitutional and ignorant and smug and counter to evidence and the cause of problems it claims to solve. But nobody’s storming the Capitol on Biden’s behalf. Let a lack of seduction be treated with relief. He wouldn’t have to be so handsy if he could smooth talk.

The problem isn’t as much the addled twit in charge but those who’ve been entrusted with his care. Grandpa’s being dragged to the bank to open his safe deposit box. Biden should have the decency to respect the Senate considering it’s the only quasi-job he’s ever held. That presumes he’s capable. But suggesting the filibuster might not be a wise thing to delete is the closest we could get to bipartisanship.

Even someone as confused about Velcro as Biden should know deep down that none of what he believes works. I don’t know what his excuse was when he was semi-coherent a few decades ago. Hold onto hope he’s aware that going too far will screw up the country even more or at least lose him a rubber stamp Congress a year from November. If Biden were even more radical, he’d have to write a book instead of being president, and Kamala Harris stole his crayons.

Check executive orders to see if they resemble the vice president’s penmanship. Harris got good at mimicking signatures by interrogating truants she had detained. A corrupt cop learns from subjects.

Those who fondly remember obeying the Constitution prefer Biden doesn’t put away his slot cars. The office is oval just like his track.

Chances are regrettably low a juvenile-minded Boomer be challenged with a grownup based on the woeful cast assembled around him. His underlings hired everyone, and a copy of a copy is going to lose even more quality.

Biden’s idea of being tough is boasting he is to compensate for how he is decidedly not, which makes him uncannily similar to the all-time boor he replaced. It’s no wonder they loathe each other. The only possibly advantage is the woeful new incumbent won’t even try to upend his traditional workplace.

This presidency is going to suck. The optimist can only hope it sucks as expected. Everything Biden believes has been determined to cost people freedoms and dollars. Being wrong about every last thing shows the limits of consistency.

But a lousy regular term might encourage a normal response. Please let voters end up craving someone sane who understands what a trade deficit is and why Social Security only gets crummier because it’s by law. Biden’s inability to motivate others any more than himself will make it tough to encourage a cult to storm a branch. And you want to be inspired by politicians.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.