Republican and Can’t

Anthony Bialy
4 min readSep 13, 2021

The business party isn’t keen on competition. Republicans are dead set against a third option. Two is already confusing.It’s either a failure of imagination or imaginative fear of losing power that leads the side ostensibly against government to nominate hypocritically flaccid dolts who spend marginally less enthusiastically. Wendy’s disrupts the McDonald’s/Burger King ease of choice. Wait until they hear about Five Guys.

It’s unbelievable and understandable that a regrettable election competitor would try to copy the other one. Panicky insecurity creates a flimsy copy. The side truly obsessed with uncontrollable spending, needless trade wars, and presumed federal involvement in health care beats the other one that endorses unfortunate ideas halfheartedly. The two-party system is as indistinguishable as Spy vs. Spy. I forget which one is my favorite, but I do know I loathe the foe.

For ease of selection, there’s been a reduction of choices in the second selection which resembles the other one, anyway. Your Republican options are the Donald Trump rude lame insult wannabe insider wing and the Bush/Romney Ivy League snotty surrender caucus. Ensuring options remain narrow is especially popular amongst the former’s cultish rubes who can’t admit Earth’s greatest winner lost to Joe goddamn Biden.

I wish there could be more choices than establishment dull liberals and wannabe establishment obnoxious liberals. Thinking there are are only a few choices is what Democrats claim and desire. You’ve got more choices than those who offer a meek copy even as they naturally tell you otherwise.

Restrict choices either by lack of imagination or deliberate obfuscation. See: there’s an option. Binary Fox News thinking got the joyless party trapped into inviting the same unwelcome crasher. The erstwhile president’s former messenger service is a fitting mouthpiece in its way. Hate whoever criticizes to be a sophisticated grownup. The North Korean pink lady aspires to such loyalty.

Why do you want to be fed to the lion, asks the shark? Potential club members are pressed to join one of two completely different Republican gangs who will add debt without daring to cut a buck of spending. The matter of which style they prefer should make going broke more comfortable.

Pretend to be against the system while funding every bit. The same mentality behind demanding support for Trump to defeat wicked Hillary results in two wretched factions competing to be the least worst. Get down to the most hideous finalists imaginable and figure which won’t please Satan as much.

It shouldn’t be that challenging to locate a human who understands government sucks and possesses a plan to halt said sucking. Getting one who wants to run is the challenging bit. But we just need the one. Until that single person is located, primaries will remain liberals versus liberals in the party that’s supposedly for conservatives. People who can’t imagine someone polite who still sticks up for the right to keep one’s own funds are playing the party game. Can’t we just drink instead?

Trump is a self-made man except for the man and self-made parts. An utter fake naturally embraces government intervention on every occasion. Why wouldn’t a party rely on the guy who never figured how to enact wholesale Obamacare repeal?

Standards and people both remain unchanged for different reasons. Tethering oneself to a personality can only be made more regrettable by the attached people in question. Republicans have a chance to dedicate themselves to limited government instead of an inept buffoon and refuse to take it. Remaining Trump fans are battered spouses who are scared to leave him. Ask one of his ex-wives for advice.

It’s inspirational in its way how limited in imagination the Republican Party remains. Their inherent lunkheaded nature also explains the inability to sell any maneuver that involves letting people choose how they’ll spend or live.

A political conglomerate that thinks it can run your life better than you can can’t think of anything other than two options who combine to form zero good ones. Not everything from the past is worth cherishing, as seen by both types of recent regrettable presidential nominees. Binary Republicans choose between Budweiser or Miller in a craft brew world. They can’t even imagine a world with taste.

A strong example of the opposite should inspire the decent to prefer the actually classy. Trump was a rude losing insurrectionist. He really does like the CSA. Dismissing nonsense about white supremacy infecting all corners of society would be easier if he hadn’t inspired a charge like Pickett.

Fearing success would explain a lot. Anyone still enticed by the loser who didn’t do what he claimed shows the downside of comfort with familiarity. Explaining just why the last Republican president was, is, and always will be full of it should be the easiest task since beating Hillary Clinton.

Embodying phoniness has only been his default setting for his entire goddamn life, so why learn after decades of him craving attention? Only forty percent of one was spent in the presidency after he couldn’t even lie as well as Joe Biden.

Trump gets attention despite deserving even less of it than usual. He’s happy in his miserable way. We still have to discuss him if you thought the punishment for whatever we did was over. Anyone sensible was sick of it in 2016.

You can even go back to being repulsed in the mid-’80s if you had the misfortune of encountering his shrieking about how incredible he is for that long. Ignore the failed football league, casinos, and presidency. Embracing the anchor will surely allow for reaching new heights. It’s only spray-painted gold, which novice swimmers will discover too late.