You may have spent your prison term for the crime of respiration noticing how we get less safe the more is taken for our safety. All these restrictions seem to be corresponding with all these deaths.

Our time’s prevalent disease still spreads as humanity holds still, and you weren’t supposed to spend your gap year being perceptive. We sure are lucky shutting down life for a year kept us safe, as imagine how many bodies would be piled in the morgue’s parking lot without it.

We’re all in this together, claim those blaming you for everything going horrifically. It certainly couldn’t be those attempting to seize your autonomy who wrecked it for the rest of us: your removal of the enchanted face cloak before you left the bank set infected us all. Fault those who didn’t comply for classy logic. The creepy communal vibe is merely extra unpleasant when we’re supposed to be apart.

Fantasies about one cough causing a chain reaction of corpse trails show a commitment to scientific insight as strong as governmental efficacy. A collectivist response means you’re the one who screwed over the rest of us. Blaming breathers is this decade’s version of victory gardens so people can feel like they’re helping. The modern classy difference is in the negative approach, as face concealment makes us feel like a virus spreading is our fault.

A contribution can now only be negative. The nerve to occasionally crave an unfiltered breath halts those of others. That’ll be the caption on the next meme shared by insufferable liberal Facebook friends.

That little bit of liberty ruined our shot at collective utopia. Your insubordinate urge to define humanity by its capacity and desire for independent thought means scientific beliefs won’t come true. Faith requires full commitment.

Getting together is smarter, anyway. An individual brain will never be as brilliant as all of them taped together. Take how communal logic will always say restrictions weren’t strict enough after they fail. It couldn’t be they just suck, which is the same reason spending trillions more than we have on garbage humans would never purchase only hurts the economy because the tab was too small.

The most self-righteous are the least informed, if you can believe it. They can’t. Sanctimonious pseudo-scientists have always claimed to heed knowledge as they ignore it. In the virus era, they merely preen more than they do about irregular weather being a sign human activity is wrecking the climate.

All you need to know is whatever a doctor paid by the government decides is working that morning becomes canon. Doubting an infallible human employed by a government incapable of being wrong is the apex of ignorance.

Continue enjoying arguing with very calm and entirely rational people who claim others will die if their policies aren’t followed. Meanwhile, their capricious edicts are obviously fair, as there’s no way those blessed with power could be steered wrong by faith in orders by pushy politicians.

Incorrectness would make their rabid claims that everyone who disagrees is a homicidal greedy thieving monster look even sillier, and we don’t want to embarrass them. Please also refrain from noting how those who seek happiness through bossiness call everyone else selfish as they selfishly refuse to notice the pain their aid inflicts.

Tighten the ropes for freedom. Your governor will cut you loose when you agree being restrained is better. You’ll have to muster more enthusiasm than that. It’s your fault for wriggling too much. Keep lusting after less autonomy like contrarian humans who still believe in natural rights. Unhinged demands for flailing governors lock up those who dare decline to breathe through cloth are muffled through layers.

It couldn’t be that the virus was going to be basically impossible to stop. The best measures were the most obvious and voluntary, namely washing hands and having the vulnerable avoid unnecessary contact to limit the chance of catching the plague. Howard Hughes had the best strategy. We owe him a posthumous apology for dismissing what became our everyday routines as weird.

We might not have gotten sick by trading with each other, or at least any sicker. Politicians well-trained in interference had to stop commerce, which as a reminder is nothing more than humans interacting. It’s clear what’s been lost, namely fortunes and happiness. But at least the death toll is unfathomable.

Trust government every other time it assures you the spanking it administered is for your benefit. That’s not something you can request on Bumble, so try to bring it up discretely. Being told what to do is a sick fetish on its own. Politicians share the kink of imposing it on normal people. Freaks should at least be fun to be around.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.