Same Scheme, Different Day

Anthony Bialy
4 min readMay 15, 2023

Explaining why today’s pushy executive branch incursion is the worst idea since the one they dropped yesterday distracts from how they’re all tiresome. Those who keep noticing feel even more worn out, which is as close to success as any present plan. Facing a ghastly new proposal is not novel in the fun way like how Joe Biden discovers every morning how delicious Froot Loops are. Lousy schemes change in detail while the awful overall tone remains constant. Nobody in the Oval Office notices patterns or much of anything else.

A daily nightmare isn’t spurring enough mandatory optimism. Learning how we’re going to be bothered is the only surprise under the leadership of someone whose policies have been demonstrated to serve as incessant crotch kicks. Bothering the law-abiding could only be more distressing if the law-breaking are permitted to run enterprises free of restriction. If you don’t want to be hassled by Democrats, turn to crime.

I can’t wait to learn what daft infiltration they’ll try to wreak upon us for our prosperity. Consistency accompanies surprises. Each Biden initiative makes our lives worse while violating our rights, but mandates are beneficial otherwise. There too many preposterous notions to defend against them all, which is the best case for a White House that treats bothering you like its divine purpose.

Cars plugged in next to phones create some of the few fun times during this term. Bet which will charge first. The impartial observer uses evidence to notice locked tendencies. Realizing we must explain how gasoline works means the process will take some time. By contrast, motorists can fill up a tank in a minute or so. Car guy Biden doesn’t know how they work. That makes them like the country where he’s president.

It’s unsophisticated to merely ban things directly. Start a chain reaction of making wealth and accumulation essentially illegal to really show the populace who’s boss. Forgetting what eggs look like creates instant misery, but it’s important to also plant future dejection. If needing wheelbarrows full of bills to afford onions isn’t strenuous enough more than physically, the real joy takes the form of enduring an explanation of why they’re actually affordable. Orwell was an optimist.

The key to reducing prices slightly is to make them ridiculously high. Don’t you know anything about economics? We may as well review how uncanny timing dictates finances. Corporate greed just happened to kick in when Biden took office. Monstrous conglomerates hate Democrats so much that they waited until the loving party won. The press secretary expects you’ll believe her account of timing.

Constant monitoring is for the benefit of the watched, so stop feeling creeped out. Our savior is too insecure to trust us. You may be shocked at the realization it’s not the president’s job to hand out purportedly free money. We’re painfully learning just why presidential job limitations were in place to begin with.

Elders still need to earn it. Biden harms fellow geezers by lowering automatic respect for someone who’s had a relatively high quantity of birthdays. The incumbent is older than the microwave oven and hasn’t learned one useful thing in over 80 years. How are you supposed to heat Pizza Rolls without learning numbers?

This all seems familiar, we note while flinching. Americans coped with this while he had a boss for the first time. Barack Obama was an expert at saying the precise opposite of what he did. Explaining why he was better at spending your money than you doesn’t really count as a skill itself. Circumstances are much better without the charisma. Pretending Biden is a charming grandpa is as pathetic as claiming transportation is presently affordable.

This is no time for adjusting to reality. Biden would have to stop believing what he does, and this isn’t the sort of person who’s going to let evidence change his mind. A lifetime dedicated to getting everything wrong has created an unblemished record.

The best time to improve was decades ago. The second-best is now. Adhering to the same regrettable notions is the third, worst, and current choice. In lieu of starting listening to wiser voices half a century ago, we have to hear Biden be wrong about the world every single day.

Conditions must be swell if those enduring them debate the maliciousness of ineptness. This White House’s performance is dreadful enough that recipients ponder how much maliciousness was involved. Cope any way you can. Infuriated Americans wonder semi-seriously if this ever-dignified executive branch is trying to create chaos so they can control the ruins. They’d finally be in charge.

The best case against a diabolical plan is the planners. Ineptness is the best case for this particularly charismatic administration. There’s no way such generic zombies are capable of plotting out domination.

The simplest option is the most likely explanation, which our simple president doesn’t grasp going to feel nice when he’s not president. That will be Biden’s sole pleasant legacy. It’ll be better when he’s done. Nothing feels fulfilling like ensuring there will be a legacy left.