Life’s way easier without checking results. Why complicate circumstances by seeing if a notion succeeded? Trust your fellow humans to utter true words. Only cynics would doubt claims schemes worked. We’re sure to create pleasantness if we say it.

Never before has the difference between correlation and causation been more apparent for the depressed, which is defined as anyone perceptive. We need to make noticing illegal, as being aware of what’s not working is really getting in the way of progress.

My beloved football team scored when I was searching for more lager, so me not watching is obviously the key to victory. Standing with the refrigerator door open means points, I explain to my head as I try to think of what I can auction to pay the month’s utility bill. Trusting executive orders banning basic interactions to finally halt illness after a year is as rational as sports superstitions.

Plans work by coincidence. Killing the economy must have been what kept zombies from smashing barricades. Look: the virus disappeared. It surely didn’t just run its course. Any ensuing fair health must have been a super politician listing countless activities you can’t do.

Societal orders don’t order society. Giant genius dumb schemes fail for the same reason statists’ other plans never quite prevent abject misery from spreading like a pandemic. Vigorous planning’s survivors surely maintain that getting to drive nothing but a Trabant ensured efficiency. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants to revive the commie Germany’s half’s economy because she knows so much about what happened. Government proclaiming what’s valuable is as cool of a throwback as bringing back the Pacer.

Today’s class of leaders enjoy telling the tides to go away and smiling smugly when they recede 12 hours later. A disease beat the stuffing out of humanity almost like it didn’t care about efforts to strangle it. Rude indifference is just another one of bossiness’s dreadful symptoms.

I’m sorry the death of the illusion of control made you lash out at fellow humans you don’t think are committed enough to concealing their breathing. Our time’s defining infection was going to rampage regardless of puny human efforts to stop it. Prolonging agony by making restaurant patrons eat by the snow-covered dumpster is too cruelly perfect. The newest type of social disease would totally be the first time your dear government exacerbated pain it claimed to eliminate.

Feeling controlled is comforting in the way a lack of autonomy lets brains clock out. The virus inadvertently provided a chance for those who really like being humiliated to flaunt it. Prison-level restrictions certainly didn’t arise for practical reasons. Disease spikes after quarantines mean they weren’t severe enough. Looking out windows needs to be banned.

Fantasy camp governors got to pretend they were in control. The great illusion is their only success. Pretending keeps your superior supervisors in office, and why stop responding to incentives? The worst sort of business simulacrum is like some alleged wizard hiding behind a curtain. They should make a movie. State-level bosses sure love telling others what to do. Success takes the form of retaining power without, well, success. Failures keeping offices is their most important precedent.

A virus existing only to pass itself along is too familiar. The inhuman enemy of life is reminiscent of politicians existing only to stay in office. The latter didn’t stop the former, which is a result that can’t be corrupted.

All human parasites can do is convince others they’re protecting life. Seduce enough suckers into believing measuring the distance between restaurant tables prevents death, and they can win while losing. Anyone who notices how many hospitals filled to capacity despite heavy restrictions on everyday activities should know there would be patients coughing on the roofs if you were allowed to selfishly get a haircut.

Our protectors won’t stop claiming they saved us all just because of a silly thing like lack of evidence. Ignoring the teetering corpse piles should be impossible. Don’t you miss sunlight? It takes conscious effort to pretend grandparents aren’t disappearing like it’s the plot from some mediocre Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, which is just what lame captains want. Lack of virus control is the definitive feature of states with governors who crave control. The insidious infection did as it pleased, just like you were not allowed to do.

Noticing the lack of efficiency should follow naturally after seeing how the only prosperous businesses in Blue States are graveyards. It’s low in the sense it’s at zero. On the plus side, any improvement would be infinity percent.

Your office-holding betters must boast about controlling destiny. Loyal soldiers who haven’t stopped believing that, say, government can deliver quality insurance affordably refuse to give in just because of the alarming kill count. It’s those evil Republicans with their free will murdering the vulnerable, claim those trying to confuse homicide detectives. The fuzz will never suspect someone helpfully identifying suspects.

Putzing policy killers can get away with leaving a trail of shallow graves for as long as voters don’t mind tripping. There’d be nothing worse for bossily grabby politicians than potential voters noticing what happens. New Yorkers were becoming Floridians long before Andrew Cuomo decided the best way to halt infections was to claim he did so. Didn’t you read his book at Aunt Sylvia’s wake? Follow the science of infecting nursing home residents. They’re as deserted as the rest of the state.

Cranky as a lifestyle choice.